Do I even know what love is?
Am I unlovable? Sometimes I think I have it backwards because how can anyone love me if I don’t love myself? The theory makes sense but why did it take me so long to understand that love, any and every kind of love, begins with self-love.
I struggled for years to make myself loveable; to be kind, to offer compliments, to do favors, to be someone who could be counted on no matter what. But the weak link in this scenario was that I never really loved myself, and so I became unlovable to everyone else.
In retrospect I understand that now. It’s a vibe, an unconscious communication to whoever’s listening to stay away from this unlovable person. And so, the situation perpetuates day after day, year after year and the subject, in this case me, comes to expect what she has always experienced, that she is unlovable — that I am unlovable.
But I know the secret now and I can fix it.
We project how we want others to treat us by how we treat ourselves, and it shows, often in ways we’re not even aware. Loving yourself means taking the time to listen to your heart and soul and nourishing the child within you. It means acknowledging and coming to terms with the hopes and dreams you’ve always wanted for yourself but never acted on, and possibly never even knew were there. It means turning off the automatic persona you present to the world and to yourself and getting real about what really matters.