It’s never too late to discover who you are
I used to wonder when I would have it all together. As a young adult I was confused about how I presented to the world. In my 20’s and 30’s I gave myself a break to recover from an unhappy child/young adulthood. But as each decade passed I became more convinced that something was missing, although I didn’t know what. Who was I? Was I rock and roll, or punk, or maybe even hippie? Later I thought I was a cool senior, or maybe I was a traditional boomer. None of it clicked, none of it was me.
After moving to Manhattan in 1975 all I wanted was to escape my past. I met a wannabe rock singer at a local coffee bar and started managing her career. I produced a rock and roll cable TV show featuring the singer in a talk show setting with local bands showcasing their talent. I rocked out my clothes, my hair, my attitude but it was like wearing a costume, I was playing a part. Show business is a hard task-master and the artist wasn’t up to the rigors of the business; neither was I. After 10 years of struggling I dropped the artist and ended the show.
I never wanted to work for someone else but had no choice so I looked for work to pay the bills. I dyed my hair pink, cut it short, spiked it out. I had a series of jobs during this period, everything from waiting tables to working for a company that imported medical supplies and pharmaceuticals. I was a compliant employee and did every job well but still hadn’t found what I was looking for.
I soon discovered there’s nothing like bartering what you have for what you want! I took a job working for a barter company and part of my salary was paid in barter dollars that I traded for goods and services from some of the clients. It was a fun job and I stayed 15 years until the owner decided to sell the business and retire. Although I wasn’t ready to retire I was ready for something new. Barter had its ups and downs and after so many years the bloom was off the rose.
Why not start a dog walking business? After all, I love animals and there’s tons of dogs in my neighborhood. Within a few months I had 8 employees, was working 7 days a week and slowly going out of my mind. I quickly learned that having employees you can’t monitor doesn’t work. My walkers met me in the morning for keys and schedules and then were off on their own — sometimes doing what they were suppose to be doing — other times trying to steal my business out from under me. During this period I was a cool senior (or so I thought). My employees had a different idea and decided they didn’t need to follow rules or schedules once they were out of sight of ‘boss lady.’ I guess I wasn’t so cool after all. Ten years later I sold the dog walking route to another company and turned my company into an online business selling pet supplies. These were the boomer years and I was a stressed out boomer who didn’t understand why I was still struggling to be who I was meant to be.
About 6 months ago I started reading The Secret. I bought the book about 15 years ago and dabbled in it from time to time but never took it seriously. This time strange things started happening. Things I wanted for my home started showing up in odd ways. Things I was thinking suddenly became real. The more I focused on what I wanted the more these things came to me, seemingly out of nowhere. But the Universe was at work and was about to uncover secrets I’ve been searching for my entire life.